On our virgin adventure in an old Lyonnaise restaurant, I asked some of the friends around me if I could try their food. Immediately, I noticed some discomfort in their faces and voices as they replied with an uncertain ‘yes’.
My other Singaporean friend on the other hand, was gladly helping herself to the others’ food, not realizing no one else was taking from her plate. She was also voraciously ‘attacking’ her chicken main course, putting the chicken parts in her mouth and sucking all the meat off the bone before spitting the chicken bones out.
Eventually, the other international students around her started looking visibly annoyed and stopped eating, and subsequently stopped making conversation altogether. Some had very disgusted looks on their faces. The meal ended in awkward silence, prompting an early return to school. On the way back to school, my Singaporean friend and I felt rather excluded from the rest.
The incident left me rather perturbed, as these were people I considered myself close to. My friend and I were wondering if the rest were being mean, or perhaps even racist to the only two Asians in the group.
Ironically, over some beer later in the week, I asked the Swedish girl about the others' reactions and learnt that in some of their cultures, they were not used to sharing their dishes. Main courses were considered personal, unless it was a picnic or ‘tapas’ session. Hence, they found having someone stick a fork into their food extremely offensive. This was certainly different from our way of sharing food. They also found the act of eating the chicken to the bone extremely repulsive. This was confirmed after checking with some of the others. In that sense, they were very open and forthcoming with their opinions without being personal. Mindful of the others’ preferences, we were more careful about our mealtime etiquette after that.
The group in happier times.
9 comments:
Your title here aptly describes the food outing, Benjamin. And the misunderstanding you describe is clearly one based on differing cultural norms. I'd be interested in knowing about the situation where you learned that you had "violated" the norm. Who told you? Had you asked for clarification or was the revelation presented to you openly?
Hello Ben (:
If i had not read your post, I seriously would not have known that some cultures find sharing food and licking the chicken all the way to the bone is offensive.
In my opinion, it is always advisable to read up and understand the culture of the people that we are going to mix with, especially in foreign land.However, there are bound to be mistakes made so we have to learn to be more careful and sensitive. I guess you could probably explain the rationale of other friend happily tucking into others food to the foreign friends when you noticed their disapproving look.
This could probably ensure that they would not think that your friend is being rude, but its just a part of her culture.
Hi Ben,
I disagree that food does not bring people together. It was only after this incident that you knew about foreign dining etiquette and habits. This is new knowledge that would bring you and your friends closer together in the future. You would be more aware and smarter in terms of future instances of intercultural communications. So food does bring people together, although the effects are not immediate. I'm sorry, I'm a food lover, just like Hannah.
Hi Brad and Hannah, Thanks for your comments. I found out about the norm from my Swedish friend, ironically over some beer. She was one of those who was particularly disgusted with our eating habits, though she had already gotten over it by then. As for Hannah, yes we did explain how we did things in our country. We even organised a dinner and cooked for them to let them experience what a typical 'Singaporean' meal would be like!
Oh yes, and I forgot to add that I did the asking as the issue had been troubling me all week. She was however, very frank with her response without being personal. In that sense, it was nice witnessing another aspect of their culture.
Hey, thanks for pointing out such an interesting cultural difference.
I guess we had better do some research before entering a foreign country. This would definitely help to save us from any unnecessary conflicts and ensure the journey is an interesting one.
hey!
Wow. I never knew that not sharing food would be part of someone's culture. I mean, I know people who do not like to share their food with others, but I still believed that sharing your food is showing the other person how comfortable you are with him! Thank goodness your friend was open enough to explain it to you. I can't imagine not knowing where I'd gone wrong especially under such an awkward situation..
Hi Ben, I think your post is rather interesting and is really an eye-opener to the world outside us.
I wouldn't have thought sharing food and eating chicken to the bone are considered offensive to people from other cultures. So how do you eat the chicken then? Eat only half-way? Hmm...
On the other hand in our own country, sharing food is very common. People have no qualms in asking to try your food and usually people will agree to share food with one another. In fact, I thought it will be impolite not to offer your food at all. Actually sometimes I don't really like to share food with other people because I am a big-eater myself and I'm afraid by sharing or offering my food, I would not be able to satisfy my hunger. However, I thought it impolite not to share my food especially when people asked. Oh well, but at least I get to try their food too! Quid Pro Quo. Haha.
So now I know about the eating culture of other countries, I'll be more wary about dining with foreigners next time!
Hello all,
Thanks so much for your comments and insights into your personal eating habits!
To Alethea, I share your belief that sharing food with someone else is a sign of how comfortable you are with him.
To Joyce, I guess when one is restricted to merely using fork and knives it can prove rather challenging to eat chicken to the bone. I wonder if you caught one of the really early seasons on survivor, when this Asian competitor Shi-ann began being outcast by the group after they saw her eat the innards of the chicken that the group won. I reckon this situation is rather similar. Seeing as you often bring food to class and share it with others (especially Brad), would you feel uncomfortable in an environment where food cannot be shared as and when you feel like it?
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